There were a couple of reasons I wanted a homebirth this time round;
My first labour was only 4 hours long
I'd actually describe it as very easy, I had no pain relief, no progress checks
I gave birth within 14 minutes of arriving at hospital
I didn't want to leave my house when I was in labour
I had a really terrible time trying to establish breastfeeding and was dreading spending more time on postnatal ward with Midwives shunting my baby at my chest.
I always knew that this pregnancy was probably going to become a bit complex - Maeve was on the smaller side when she was born (you can read Maeves birth story here!) so the Doctors wanted to keep a closer eye on us with regular growth scans.
As someone with lots of confidence in my bodies ability to grow and birth babies I actually found the scans really difficult, almost as if I was doing it for everyone elses reassurance over my own. I knew, as one of the lovely Midwives pointed out to me at my first growth scan that I just grow smaller babies than the computer would like me to. There's not nescessarily anything wrong with that, it's just not the norm, and Doctors don't like things that aren't normal, they want to fix them.
I had raised the idea of a homebirth a couple of times with the consultant I saw most often (continuity of consultant led care is basically non-existant and I was actually really lucky to see the same consultant multiple times and build up a good relationship with her) and my Midwife and both were reluctant to support me on this.
With the increasing appointments came increasing blood pressure, it was fine at home but the thought of "performing" for my consultants was making me anxious. I ended up on Labetalol (beta blockers) at one point, thankfully I was in tune with my body enough to know this wasn't right and after a couple of conversations with my consultant I was able to drop the Labetalol (fun fact - one of the risks of taking labetalol is growth restriction so the fact I was taking labetalol for raised anxiety/white coat syndrome due to the excessive appointments for a small baby was pretty mental) and had the Gestational Hypertension label removed.
With both a small baby AND gestational hypertension my dreams of a homebirth were a long old fight away however once the gestational hypertension issue was dropped and it was just the issue of a "small" baby to contend with I was confident to fight the battle, considering my baby wasn't small to me, she was the perfect size for my body and the Doctors argument of "small babies struggle during labour" was null and void considering I had no monitoring during my labour with my previous "small" baby and she coped just fine!
After a very difficult 36 weeks growth scan and review I reached out to my Midwife, explaining that the growth scans are doing nothing but reassuring everyone else and turning me in to an anxious mess, we spoke about a Plan B, where I would be seen more by the Midwives and less by the Doctors. I was over the moon with this suggestion as I felt really supported by the Midwives but terrified by going to antenatal clinic. My Midwife said she would contact my consultant and come up with a plan.
I had another couple of growth & wellbeing scans booked over the next couple of weeks which I took great pleasure in not attending and during those two weeks my baby moved more than ever, she danced with joy and me not feeling anxious and overwhelemed by the constant trips to hospital.
Unfortunately due to Christmas and Covid wiping out almost my entire community Midwifery team, plans weren't put in place and I ended up with a phone call from antenatal clinic asking where I'd been. I explained I was waiting to hear from my Midwife with a plan and was enjoying some time bonding and relaxing with my baby. The consultant asked me to come up for one more growth scan, which I agreed to (with conditions!) at 38 weeks.
Sadly this appointment wasn't what I expected, my conditions were that I requested one particular sonographer (again, I had good continuity with her and confidence in her monitoring) who was her usual positive, cheerleader self and made me feel glad that I came up however my other condition was that I would be seen by one of two consultants (my regular consultant or my actual "named" consultant who I had previously had a very positive conversation with) . Unfortunately this is where I was let down, a different Doctor arrived for my review and when I explained I was expecting to see one of two other specific consultant I was told that neither of them were around, I suggested he found at least one of them. He managed to speak to one of them "in person" who was "too busy to come and see me but recommends induction as soon as possible" clearly they weren't just too busy to come and see me, they were also too busy to treat me with any kind of indivisualised care.
I came away feeling really cross that I'd been forced in to that situation and so I reached out to the Family Experience Midwife as at this point I hadn't seen or heard from any of my community team for a couple of weeks due to illness/scans/appointments, despite a couple of phonecalls and emails and I just didn't know where to turn. The Family Experience Midwife did an amazing job and set me up a little crisis meeting with two experienced community Midwives the very next day, which is when I turned 39 weeks. Maeve arrived spontaneously as 39+3 so I was conscious I might not have that much time to get anything in place and at this point I still had nothing confirmed in terms of a birth plan. Not only did these two amazing guardian angels set me up with a complex personalised care plan which meant I was allowed my homebirth and didn't have to go back up to the hospital they also restored my confidence in my body, my baby and my maternity care!
I came away with some Entonox and a very happy and content feeling. Time to start building that oxytocin back up!
It was a very strange week that followed, I was really expecting not to reach my due date, but that came and went. I'd had another Midwife appointment that week, with a different Midwife but she was equally as lovely and respectful. She allowed me to make all my own decisions without any pressure, I actually booked in to see her a week later because I felt she was exactly the kind of person I needed around me at that time. She was also a wonderful angel who told me as I left there wasn't a Midwife on-call that night but if I was to go in to labour to let Labour Ward know that she's said she'll come out to me, which is EXACTLY the kind of thing you need to hear when you're waiting on your babies imminent arrival.
I had been having some quite strong tightenings from around 39 weeks but it wasn't until the early hours of my due date that it amounted to anything. I woke up around 2am with some really intense regular contractions, increasing in both intesnity and frequency. I managed to doze inbetween them, then sent my Husband downstairs to set up the birth pool at around 6.30am - knowing how quickly my labour progressed last time I was cautious! I stopped my Husband going to work (he was working 90 mins away at the time) however the sun rose and the tightenings eased off. Maeve woke up and my day continued pretty normal, I even got a jigsaw puzzle out as something mindful to do to try and take my mind over what ever was(n't!) happening. I had some tightenings on and off throughout the day but managed to catch up on sleep and clocked a full 11 hours! It was my Mums birthday the next day and thankfully my brother had organised to take her and Maeve to the Oceanarium with them so I had a childfree day. I continued with my jigsaw puzzle and received a message and lots of lovely photos and videos from my friend who gave birth earlier that morning. I took a walk to the shop (it's a good 30 mins, across fields so thought that's DEFINITELY got to get things going) it didn't but I did discover Cadbury Mini Eggs chocolate bars were back so obviously bought a couple of those to help with the oxytocin. Clearly the chocolate worked as that afternoon the regular, increasing contractions were back. I was using my ball as my happy place, I stuck my labour party playlist on and was dancing and shaking my booty praying that this was it.
That limbo land in between early labour and established labour is such a weird place to be and it doesn't matter how much I tell people the very best thing you can do at that point is not give it any attention - when you're in it, you can't help it. I think for me as well, it was even more strange as I had absolutely no build up with Maeves labour. I had some tightenings the day before but that was it, as soon as I felt that first period pain each contraction got more intense and closer together until I was moo'ing in the bath and being dragged to hospital, then waddling down the corridor with a head almost between my legs.
I tried to rest but the contractions would settle down, they'd be fewer and further between and less intense. I felt like if I was up, they were more productive so I carried on bouncing, shaking and wiggling in to the early hours. At around 3am I slumped on the sofa and at about 4am my Husband came down and told me to come to bed and get some proper rest.
Sunday morning arrived and I felt so deflated at this point as if I was never going to go in to labour. I was due to go round my parents for a birthday lunch for my Mum but as I was so shattered I thought I'd stay home and chill and let Matt and Maeve go. I can't really remember much of that day, but looking back I sent Matt a message at 5pm saying its all still very slow and was going to take some paracetamol as my bump was so tender and I was still happily texting my friend at 5.40pm complaining nothing was really happening. I had been having surges increasing in intensity and regularity for maybe a couple of hours but was fully expecting them to just tail off again, I joked with my friend that I'd still be pregnant in March (this was 30th January). I then text Matt at 6pm to say they'd started increasing quite significantly and he might want to head home soon, he said he was just doing his asbestos awareness course! Matt came home at about half 6 and Maeve wanted to go straight to bed which is really unusual for her!
We filled the pool up with some hot water (it had been half filled for a couple of days due to the stop-start nature of my labour) and I got in at 7ish, it was dreamy. It really helped with the tender ache on my bump as well as reducing the intensity of the surges. My Husband made me a cup of tea, in my favourite mug (honestly one of the most underrated things about having a homebirth, your own tea in your own mug!) and I was still really calm and relaxed during my surges and recovering really well inbetween, using my breathing and relaxation techniques to bring me back my little zen state.
By about 8pm I felt as though I needed some more support, so we called labour ward and asked for them to send the on-call Midwife round. She called straight back and had a very familiar voice, it was a friend of ours who we hadn't seen for years, I remember her saying "you labour quite quickly don't you Elice" and I said "yeah, just come around in your pyjamas if that's easier!" Fortunately K only lives 5 minutes down the road, so arrived within in 20 minutes (in her uniform!!) I must have reached transition whilst waiting for her as I remember feeling incredibly hot and sweaty, so I cracked open the bifold doors behind the pool and yelped "she better f*cking get here soon" and just as that happened I felt a bit of a pop and then lots of downwards pressure which I can only assume was my waters!
From that point on my body was birthing my baby and there was nothing else I had to do expcept breathe and keep relaxed. My contractions were thick and fast, they were almost back to back, I was getting absolutely no relief. My Midwife offered me some gas & air to help but I thought I've got this far without it, I won't bother. Finally babies head emerged and at that point my contractions decided to let-up and give me a break (with a head hanging between my legs!) one final long-awaited contraction later and baby was born at 20:50, caught by my wonderful friend and Midwife who was clearly meant to be with me that night!
We waited for the cord to turn white then my husband cut it, we used a little rainbow cord tie which looked adorable.
The second Midwife was coming from the other side of the county so K phoned her to say if you're not close, don't bother but she arrived a short while later. I stayed in the pool for a few minutes then decided to get out to be a bit more comfortable. I was waiting for a physiological third stage but as my placenta was very stubborn during my previous birth I knew I'd have to be a little more (pro)active to get it moving. I sat for a while and had skin to skin with baby but then the sofa made me uncomfortable so the Midwives suggested the toilet. Almost as soon as I sat down the placenta was caught in a sick bowl. We retreated back to the sofa, snuggled up in my dressing gown and baby girl latched almost instantly.
After our golden hour the Midwives laid my placenta out and gave me a little guided tour. I felt a really strong attachment to my very big and healthy placenta given all the grief from the consultants about how it was going to fail and kill my baby. I asked the Midwives to bag my placenta up and I popped it in the fridge. I had no real plans for it, I just knew I didn't want it to go and get incinerated.
Baby was weighed and came in at a very respectable 6lb 11.5oz - once plotted she was still coming in as under 5th centile so it was suggested that we transfer in to hospital for blood sugar monitoring. I had already done my research on this and so politely declined and advised I would be happy to monitor this myself as I'm aware of the warning signs.
The Midwives then spent a couple of hours tidying up and doing their admin before heading home not long after 11pm. Matt had made me some toast and we opened a bottle of champagne so sat and drank that whilst soaking up our new baby girl. At some point Matt did go upstairs and tell Maeve that she's got a new baby sister (we didn't know what we were having but Maeve was convinced it was a girl ever since she learnt their was a baby in my belly) but she wasn't bothered. She just rolled her eyes and went back to sleep.
At some point after midnight we headed up to bed, we snuggled up, baby girl slept nicely in her bedside crib, fed a couple of times and we woke up feeling fresh the next morning, impatiently waiting for Maeve to wake up to come and meet her new little sister.... who still had no name!
I was really lucky to have a Midwife who I know really well arrive for my birth but not only that she was amazing at looking after me postnatally too. Fitting me in to her day even though she was on a different team to the one I'm under. Scheduling appointments for me and ensuring I see the correct person to get things sorted - Fearne had a very obvious tongue tie so K booked me in for newborn checks with a Midwife who would be able to sort that there and then.
I didn't really have any discomfort with my perineum, despite the thick & fast downwards surges. I didn't actually have this checked until our day 2 check. The night Fearne was born I had been for a wee and walked around the house it all felt fine, when the Midwife checked this on day 3 she advised I did have a 2nd degree tear but made the right decision not getting it stiched as it was nicking back together nicely by itself.
Despite my perineum doing it's own magical thing my postnatal recovery was much tougher second time round - every time I breastfed I had intense after pains which were even stronger than my contractions during established labour and they radiated down my thighs, combined with nipple pain from feeding a severely tongue tied baby I was popping paracetamol and ibuprofen as often as I was allowed to for the first few days.
I am incredibly grateful to have been supported by our wonderful communty Midwives. They had the confidence in me and that gave me the power to have the birth that I wanted.
It might have taken 3 days to get to established labour but it was only about 2.5 hours in the end and was just the most amazing experience.
Being able to chill at home, not worrying about when to leave, helping my self to my own snacks, hot food, drinks as and when I wanted it. Having all my own home comforts to hand. My husband feeling relaxed because he's in his own home. Not feeling trapped on postnatal ward. Being able to wake up the next morning and snuggle in your own bed, waiting for your toddler to come in and meet their new baby sister.
All of the stress, the anxiety and the battles were so totally worth it. I would homebirth a million times over and recommend it to everyone.
Timeline
Friday 28th January (NHS due date)
- contractions start in early hours, tail off by sunrise
Saturday 29th January
- went for a walk, purchased chocolate
- contractions return in the afternoon, continue through till around 4am
Sunday 30th January
- on/off contractions most of the day
- 5pm - text Matt saying it's all very slow
- 5.40pm - text my friend saying nothings really happening
- 6.10pm - text Matt saying he might want to come home soon
- 6.30pm - Matt home and Maeve to bed
- 8pm - phone Labour ward
- 8.15pm - transition & waters
- 8.20pm - 1st Midwife arrives
- 8.50pm - baby born
- 10.55pm - baby weighed
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